Quite a while ago I bought the book You Being Beautiful from famous doctors Oz and Roizen whom you may have seen on Oprah. It goes into detail about all aspects of beauty.
Today I want to dive a bit deeper into the subject of beauty. And specifically, how important is it to fuss over it as we age? To start the topic off here are some quotes from the book.
“This kind of traditional beauty ‘the outer kind’ really isn’t just about looking good. The outer beauty serves as a proxy of how healthy you are. It’s the message you send to others about your health.”
That’s pretty powerful. Your exterior will actually give people information about your health. This one makes sense to me. No one likes to be welcomed with the exclamation: “Do you feel alright. You look tired”? That is also an important reason why many of us will do our best to look good in any situation. The only problem is, this is getting harder and harder as we age. How far are we willing to go to avoid the ‘tired’ look?
Here’s another one.
“In fact research shows that human beings have evolved universal standards of beauty, both within and across cultures. Research also shows that attractive people are also judged more positively than unattractive people even when there’s other available information available about them.”
That’s a big one. Now you may not like those quotes. You may not believe them or your may think that beauty is not that important. But I think many of us will see examples around us or have experienced in their own lives that beauty DOES matter. People are judged by their cover. More beautiful people tend to have better careers and more money.
Another quote.
“Looking as good as you like helps you feel good about yourself, which serves as the foundation for developing that sense of authenticity and deeper purpose which so many of us crave as we search for meaning in our lives. Plus being authentic and happier makes you physically more attractive.”
Looking good definitely makes me feel better about myself. This is the reason why I have to shop on a regular basis to buy clothes that make me feel good and will go to the hairdresser and spend a fortune on coloring. In the end, it makes ME feel better. There’s no getting around it. Mind you, in my case, I’m more fussed about clothes than I’m with makeup. On most days I will hardly wear any makeup at all. I also believe that feeling happy has a big impact on your beauty. Doing something you love and having good relationships around you are all crucially important.
“Beauty is also about how you feel and how you define your life. These three elements look, feel, be, work together to form what we believe is the ultimate goal in all of our lives. To feel good about yourself because you have strong self esteem and a healthy energetic existence that allows you to appreciate the subtle beauty of day-to-day life”
This is very important too. It’s certainly not only about the clothes. You need to look after your emotional and physical needs as well. If you are healthy and energetic you will automatically feel better and look more beautiful. It’s about finding the right balance and making the right choices, in terms of our diets, our skincare regime, our fitness plan, our socializing, our inner development but also our beauty products and style choices. All of these combine to make us feel good and therefore to look great externally as well.
So how much effort do we put into it?
This is the question I struggle with most though. No matter how well we accomplish some of the balance described above, it does get increasingly hard to look good as we age. How much money do we spend on beautifying ourselves? On massage, on clothing, on make-up, on beauty treatments? What is the price of (preserving) our beauty? The price of feeling good about ourselves in terms of how we look? Do you feel you have found the right balance? Do you have a beauty (and fashion) budget?
I would love to hear your views!
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Great topic Sylvia. Unfortunately most people do judge each other on “looks” – clothes, shoes, jewellery, hair, make-up – it’s like a status thing. Although also, a beautiful smile and general happy persona do also give the impression of youth, happiness and energy, although not as much as the “looks” mentioned above which is sad. I have always been very basic with make-up; moisturiser, foundation, perfume and that’s it. I do find I feel prettier with mascara on but it feels yucky and it makes me “fidget” with my eyes! Unlike Greetje who is lucky to feel this way, I still worry about what people think of me; just insecure I guess. I love this topic and would love to hear/read more about it Sylvia. Thanks for sharing 🙂
Thanks Petra. My makeup has always been basic too, but it is nice when out of the blue you get a compliment (just recently someone told me I looked fresh!). On the one hand I don’t care what people think, on the other it’s nice to get compliments and it’s awful when you get these “are you allright?” kind of remarks. (because of pale face, not enough coverage etc…) Mascara makes a difference for me too, but my eyes get very heavy and I always end up with a headache, so I tend to avoid it. I may write about this some time, to see if others experience the same and if they have any tips.
I often joke that as my face is getting older, so are my eyes. I always stand some distance from myself to see the impression. Am I standing tall? How is the silhouette? Do I like the colour?. I no longer spend time looking closely at my face because I can’t see!! That being said, I think that getting a facial is important, changing your makeup routine to slightly cover dark circles or other things, adding a little colour on the face when pale, and moisturizing are musts. I have always thought that I look best when I feel good inside. Also, I have finally come to terms with the fact that I no longer look like a young woman and that is just fine. Beauty is a state of mind.
True Andrea. But for that reason I have a mirror that magnifies 5 times. Probably not the best idea as wrinkles are clearly visible, but the only way I can still tweeze my eyebrows!
As I get older I feel the need to simplify some things. I still have a regular routine with good products but don’t want anything too complicated. I used to have regular facials but stopped as the salon in a large department store were only interested in selling me more and more products. It does get harder as you get older. I never used to wear much make up in my twenties but now wear it every day for work etc. I would rather spend my money on clothes than lots of treatments now.
I do too, but find that I just have to spend more and more time just to look decent and ‘looked after’…
I define “beautiful” differently from “fashionable” or “attractive.” Something is beautiful when there is an intrinsic sense of right and good about it, such that we get a glimpse of the perfect. Something can be beautiful without being either fashionable or attractive. For instance, if we see an elderly couple walking in the park holding hands we might have a sense that they are beautiful, without either of them being fashionable or attractive.
A good life is one that is dedicated to creating beauty, not attaining or consuming beauty. We plant flowers, paint a picture or adorn our bodies as a way of creating beauty. The key is to focus on the process not the goal. Sylvia made a comment months ago I think on a trip to New Orleans that a lot of people looked just too comfortable — they hadn’t put any effort into how they dressed or how they present themselves to the world. Something just doesn’t feel right when everyone just doesn’t seem to put forth any effort. They aren’t creating beauty. On the flip side, there is a community that shall remain nameless near where I live where the women are obsessed with their appearance. There are long salon treatments and complicated hairstyles and very elaborate clothes. The goal there is clearly to attain a certain level of female perfection. That doesn’t feel right either — it’s very uncomfortable to me anyway — because they’re treating beauty as an end goal that must be met. As they age, these women find themselves more and more dissatisfied because they can’t reach that youthful goal anymore.
Okay enough with the philosophy. Can you tell I’m a theologian?
Beautifully said Lisa. It’s about creating beauty and finding that right balance!
I love your philosophy and think you are very right. Those women probably cannot put themselves into perspective, cannot laugh over themselves. To me, that is where you cross a line.
another worthy topic from Sylvia!! Your bag is never empty of thought provoking threads!
I concur with Dr. Oz’s statement (the excerpts you post here). We window dress so much to show the world how healthy, happy, well off, and beautiful we are. We all know how we feel seeing someone who “gives up”, who is old and sick, and those beaten down by illness and circumstances. They don’t “look good”.
For me, I love it when I have enough sleep and my cheeks are pink from good health (good eating and resting). I love feeling strong when my body is limber and muscle is firm. I love how clean my body feels when I eat right and not deprived.
Makeup and outfits are enhancements on top of how my body and inside feel.
Admittedly I do get lazy. I have a frozen right shoulder for months. I just started treating it (stretch and movement + heating pad and keep it warm when I sleep).
Also admittedly, keeping it together is a daily struggle. I hope there will never be the day I give up on all attempts at keeping my body, mind, and spirit up. Whatever that is out of my control I’ll deal when they happen. In the mean time, I am trying my best to holding myself up for me and for the love of life and what it offers.
Wise words 33 and I agree with all of it. Like you I’m also struggling with a frozen shoulder at the moment. The challenges of aging…..
I think you have to do something about what is bothering you. Are your dark spots bothering you? Peel it or use make-up. (Note: if you don’t have the money for either, it is getting hard). I don’t care that I have dark spots. Each her own worries.
In my case both eyes and lower part of my face, made people inquire after my health. So I had plastic surgery done. Lucky me. I had the money, nothing went wrong and it helped.
The thing is: people do not really notice details or parts of you. They “judge” the whole package: the looks, the clothes, but also the character, the health. If you are a carefree person and fun to be with, people absolutely do NOT call you ugly.
And another tool nature gives you when you grow older: you don’t give a damn of what other people think.
But then what would you do if they start complaining again? My issue with surgery and aesthetic treatments is that you always need more. They don’t last and instead start eating up your spending budget…
I think you are absolutely right that they will judge the whole package, but as you already know they will still comment on you for ‘not looking healthy’ when the whole face starts to sag….
Ah.. it does need some restraint not to go for more surgery. I will admit that. So far I am very content. It is keeping pretty good and I am getting to the blissful stage where I don’t give a damn anymore. I was just aging before my time. Now I think, OK it is time. Don’t mind it.
I think it was Rita who told me ‘the older the vehicle the more services it needs’. So true! Feeling and looking good is important to me and is more and more important as I get older. I am pleased to say that I have just had an MOT at the gym and was told that my fitness age is 40! Happy days!
haha so true! Congratulations on your excellent fitness.
My girlfriend and I joke that with every passing year our “body maintenance” costs increase and it’ll just keep increasing as we age. Not to mention the amount of time spent on maintenance. It’s a losing battle.
For me the biggest challenge is to work on my health so that later in life I am not destined to spend the last years of my life immobile and ill. More than anything that weighs on my mind.
bisous
Suzanne
Yes, same here. Rising costs but focus is on health!
I do spend time looking after myself and consider it time well spent. I make sure I get sufficient exercise including pilates and yoga (which is brilliant for counteracting stiff joints). I don’t spend money on anti ageing treatments like botox etc but do now go to a dermatologist and use good quality skin care and wear make-up most days. I eat good food (I have never dieted) but don’t eat any junk food or sugar. I try to buy good quality clothes that are fairly classic and last. I think all of the above has become a discipline and ritual over the years and has paid off with my sense of well being. Nearly forgot I also do 20 mins meditation every morning that helps keep me sane. Not that costly but effortful.
It sounds like you are really doing all the right things!
yes, beauty is powerful and opens doors. “Attractive” people of both sexes make more money over their lifetimes, for example. It is foolish though, to try to retain the kind of beauty that only comes in youth. In later life, I think we have to cultivate a different kind of beauty, while still caring for our outer selves.
I agree with lasallepal that the women in “Fabulous Fashionistas” have found ways to “push back” against the stereotypes of beauty.
Great post, Sylvia, lots to consider!
Yes it’s definitely about cultivating a different kind of beauty, but that still requires effort. Do we remove the dark spots? Get help with our eyebrows, because we can no longer do them ourselves etc. Completely giving in feels like we are giving up but maintaining a presentable look costs more and more time (and money…). Although the fabulous fashionista women were not obsessed with their looks, I still got the feeling that they spent considerable time on it. As one mentioned (not necessarily on beauty and not precisely in these words) giving up and letting yourself go is the beginning of the end.
I forgot to mention the documentary, Fabulous Fashionistas, in above comment. That documentary really was the ultimate “push back”.
Sylvia, this is a very thought provoking post and with well articulated points worthy of close examination. Living in the “youth obsessed” United States of America, women can be easily marginalized and overlooked as they age. There has been push-back recently and the points you have mentioned in today’s post can be found in the fiber of many of the conversations women are now bringing to the table.
Experience has made us wise, but we have always had to work harder, as we age, to prove that we are not irrelevant because we followed nature’s plan. Our youthful looks and personalities have evolved into something more interesting. We need to project that interesting, confident attitude by maintaining our health, weight, and curiosity for life. Learning, exploring, experiencing, along with fitness, friends, and family sends the message that we are vibrant participants in life– front and center. Taking the time to project our personalities through style and fashion shows we are people interested in life and returning the best of themselves to their professional/personal spheres. Taking the time to groom ourselves and look the best we can shows we respect ourselves and others. Routines are honed with practice. Everyone has their comfort zones and lines drawn in the sand. It does not matter how much as long as what is done allows for us to draw ourselves up and be active, viable, and visible participants in life. We have the confidence to shine.
Wow, very well spoken Lasallepal!