Do you believe in dressing ‘age appropriately’ and what does it mean to you?

by Sylvia

What is dressing age appropriate and what does it mean to you? | 40PlusStyle.com

Strangely enough the topic of age appropriateness is one of the most controversial on this site as it always gets the most polarizing reactions. To some women it implies that we need to conform and that the term in itself should be avoided, whereas to others it simply implies that they feel better if they modify their clothing a certain way.

I think both opinions are justified.

Certainly every woman should be able to wear what she wants. No matter her age.

On the other hand I also believe that many women, including myself, feel and look better with some adjustments.

Your answers: Do you believe in age-appropriate dressing and what does it mean to you?

I still find it an interesting topic and I’m always interested how each individual woman feels about those words “age appropriate” and what it means to them. So here are quite a few opinions! Some of the responses are from past interviewees and others from members of my Facebook page, to whom I asked the same question.

From Facebook

Lisa C: “I’m with Iris Apfel when it comes to this tired conversation. If I want to wear hot pink and shocking orange to church, that’s between me and Jesus.”

Linda S: “I don’t want to dress like my thirty-something daughters, and I don’t want to dress like my seventy-something mother. Classics with a little trendy twist are for me. (not to say a little hot pink doesn’t make me happy!)”

Suzanne G: “Classics with a twist”

Essbee B: “Depending on where you’re going. Business things, professional, church…please dress your age. Going out? Everyday? Wear what makes you feel good. Those are my rules for me anyway. ”

Charisse T: “I like the feeling of toning down somewhat the older I get. I’m in love with portraying a more mature woman. Besides – hairstyles and fashion for the older woman is abundant and gorgeous. Go for shorter hair and classier fashion. That’s just me.”

Teresa F: ” I do have to admit that I venture into the Junior Department in retail stores. Maybe it’s a Midwest USA thing but shopping can be a challenge. There’s a lot of clothes my mother wouldn’t have worn out there, way too matronly. But if I do purchase something from Juniors’ it’s pretty basic, not over the top teeny bopperish.”

Lorraine M: “I think it should be ‘body appropriate’ rather than age appropriate. And I can work on the body but I can’t do anything about the age!”

Nicole M: “it means that you should not riot your daughter’s closet. Wear the same stuff as she does, but higher quality and make sure she does not riot yours.”

Christy F: “Im 50 and I am in great shape. I would say Classy. Never wear skimpy, save it For the bedroom. Doesnt mean we Cant be Fashion Forward i love Designers Now all about quality,not cheap.”

Jennifer C: “Is there a guide somewhere that states what age appropriate is? Didn’t think so. I dress in comfy, fashionable clothing that has given me the title of “your mom always looks so great and not like my mom” with my daughter’s teenage friends. That doesn’t mean I dress like them…it just means I choose great clothes that are fashion forward and are a great style for me.”

Emmeline T: “Body appropriate, comfy,classic with a twist & not forgetting event- suited.”

Interviewees

Patti: “Only for myself; I don’t pass judgment on others and how they choose to express themselves. For me, the three guidelines are: nothing too tight, too short or too low-cut. And no Hello Kitty either.” (full interview)

Lisa: “I think “age-appropriate” simply means to dress with for respect yourself and your community. There are a million ways to interpret that statement, but there are a million cultures and sub-cultures, and blanket statements just can’t apply everywhere.” (full interview)

Lissy: “I think if something makes a woman feel good about how she looks, then she should wear it.”  (full interview)

Camilla: “I don’t understand that statement. I think you should dress how you feel most comfortable. If you are confident about a certain area show it off. If you have great legs show them off in a shorter dress. If your arms are toned wear a cami etc..” (full interview)

Anja: “Yes, I do. Some things just look childish at a certain point. Also while ageing, parts of your body may become unattractive, like the skin of your upper arms and your inner thighs. I don’t feel like showing these of any longer.
On the other hand people nowadays can keep dressing young, fun and artistic even when they get older. Our grannies tended to look like real grannies. Now, also 60, 70 and 80 year old’s can look cool and hip. Age appropriate does NOT mean old, traditional or boring and that is awesome!” (full interview)

Ann: “‘Age appropriate’ just has so many negative associations for me. I like to think about ‘life style appropriate’. I need clothes with flair for my life choices. I am enjoying the variety of choices I see reflected in the many blogs of the 40 plus women. There’s many options depending on who you are.” (full interview)

Judith: “I dress according to my comfort level and what makes me happy. Self expression and fun are part of the picture. I don’t rely on rules or directives. If a garment or accessory pleases me, that is the criteria that I follow. If the reflection in the mirror makes me smile, out the door I go.” (full interview)

Beverly: “What works for some at 40 may not work for others. I wouldn’t call that age appropriate as much as good styling. I also don’t show a lot of skin. That has more to do with my level of modesty than my age.” (full interview)

Annette: “Yes, I incorporated age appropriate dressing when I was in my late 40ies. I was a German 34/36 (US 4/6) and turned more into a 38 (US 8). I know I shouldn’t complain but my body has changed and I am more careful with bodycon dresses, my skirt length or skinny and low raise jeans. For me age appropriate dressing is twofold: Not desperately trying to look younger but also not to look old and frumpy!” (full interview)

Jeannie: “Yes and no. I used to worry when I first started my blog….always wondering if the outfit was appropriate, but I’ve come to realize that I would never be able to please everyone all of the time. “Age appropriate” is an individual compass. There’s not a set of rules that applies to all women. For me, if I’m happy when I look in the mirror, then it’s my age appropriate.” (full interview)

Melanie: “No. I dress for my mood every day, but I can say I’d rather be dressed as lamb or even a toucan than mutton any day if it makes me feel good. People who don’t like my style can look away, look away! Having said that, I don’t like to see young girls dressed very provocatively. As adults, freedom of choice should be celebrated.” (full interview)

Heather: “No, I don’t believe in dressing for my age. I think women should choose clothes we love that make us feel great, period. There are some trends I avoid now, like school girl looks, head-to-toe neon colors and baby doll dresses, but I’m sure there’s a forty year old woman out there somewhere who can wear them with aplomb.” (full interview)

Catherine: ” I don’t believe in loads of rules for women as they get older where dressing is concerned – I’ve read too many books which dictate how you should dress “age-appropriately”. I love the women featured on the blog Advanced Style; they don’t follow any rules and look amazing! I’ve worked out my own theory – not rules – behind dressing for your age as you get older to get it right:

  1. Dress either classic or edgy, or a mixture of both.
  2. Avoid dressing tarty (meaning cleavage and legs and heels). I want people to notice my fabulous outfit, not that I have too much flesh on show.

I think if you follow these guidelines you can’t go wrong – I actually think older women can often get away with more outrageous clothing than a 20 something because as you get older it’s less about fashion and more about style and knowing what suits you.” (full interview)

Greetje: “Yes and no. To me yes, I want to dress age appropriately. But that is me. If you have the personality for it, you will get away with nearly everything. To me there are two different ‘age appropriately’:

  1. Showing a lot of flesh, which I think is not very clever but it is also a culture thing. This would not be my thing.
  2. Dressing up with lots of attention drawing items, like the women of Advancedstyle.com. Lovely! Celebrate Life!” (full interview)

For further reading and discussion you can also have a look at these related articles:

So now it’s your turn! Do you dress age appropriately and what does it mean to you?

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{ 36 comments… read them below or add one }

Patti @ NotDeadYet Style

I love reading all these thoughts – great round-up, Sylvia.

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Ann

Interesting to read everyone’s thoughts. Seems like feeling good is the bottom line. Wearing clothing that is visible in a positive way, not flaunting ourselves in a sad manner for attention. You know it when you see it, so maybe this is the issue we are talking around? I don’t think you see this on the above 40 blogs. I see women with a variety of styles to fit many different life choices.

blue hue wonderland

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Carelia

Interesting!! I can only say, be yourself and wear what makes you happy. Have FUN with your own style regardless your age and own it as long as you like.

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popcosmo

It was fun to read these answers! I think it all comes down to style is individual, and age is a state of mind!
xo ~kim & chloe

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Seeker

Such an interesting discussion! I like to think that with age our style evolves and makes us dress in different ways, according to the situations.
I think that showing a lot of flesh it’s not elegant, but it can also look bad on a young girl.
Wearing what makes us feel good and elegant with a twist, not boring, it’s a good approach, I guess.
xo

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lasallepal

After watching the documentary, Fabulous Fashionistas, I have completely revised my thinking. I was so impressed with the women featured in that video. Each of them evolved their own style unique to their personalities and they were all wonderful.

I always concealed those parts of my body that were unattractive. That changes with age. I now wear three quarter length sleeves and make sure my midsection and upper thighs are covered. Since I am petite, I were my skirts close to my body and an inch or two above my knee. Tights in a color matching the skirt and perhaps wedges provide an elongating look. Cropped tops OVER a column of black or grey (or any color) also elongates the silhouette of a petite and covers skin that is not longer taunt. So, adjustments are made.

I have been adding more color to my wardrobe after watching that video and have decided to let my hair grow long again. It is actually easier to take care of and does not require the constant maintenance of shorter styles. I’m tired of being told that because I am more mature that I should not have my hair below my shoulders. I like to where it up and sometimes down. I felt more confident to do that after listening to those inspiring women in that documentary.

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Marcia Pilar

I believe in dressing age appropriate AND role appropriate. Probably the latter most, especially wives and mothers. Now, I also believe that every woman has the right to dress as she feels. LOVE is the rule of thumb for me. Love, always considers others above self. Put on love, and any other garment will be stylish and appropriate. If it’s inappropriate, you’re only thinking of yourself…not love at all…not stylish…not becoming whatever the age or role.

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Sarah

What I object to is the disdainful, raised-eyebrow or frowny pressure upon middle-aged women to stop dressing authentically — by which I mean dressing to suit you as the individual person you are, with your unique personality and preferences — and to start “dressing your age” — which means dressing in a way that is, for many, absolutely incompatible with dressing authentically for you as the unique individual you are.

If you love dressing in classic style, I have no problem with that. I just don’t see why I, who would be bored out of my mind — not to mention feel ridiculous, not me, and like a fraud — should narrow my clothing choices to that style just because I am 40 or 50 years old. And the mere fact that many older women move in that direction is no argument that we all should. I personally have moved away from that, not towards it, over the decades of my adult life. That is me, with my individual life experiences, ideas and preferences. I have not the slightest desire to pressure anyone else to dress in any given way; indeed, if anything I wish there were less pressure on everyone of all ages, because all the pressure harms people. It diminishes people’s ability to learn and explore and enjoy expressing themselves through their attire.

At best, “dressing your age” is about signalling your membership of a particular subculture (which is fine), but often there is that frowny disapproval of others’ harmless clothing choices that is the smoking gun of pressure to conform. But why? Why is there this idea that women of a certain age should dress a certain way? It makes no sense. It is all very arbitrary, once you start questioning it all.

For women like me who do not wish to curb others’ freedom (including psychological freedom) to dress the way they themselves prefer, the idea of “age-appropriate dressing” is very unpalatable. I have never seen a single good argument for the idea. Perhaps someone in favour of the idea might consider making such an argument (for those of us who don’t get it)?

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ellethemagnanimous

I completely agree with you, Sarah.

I have some guidelines for myself where it concerns “age appropriate” style and they begin and end with these three rules:

• Dress for the occasion
• Don’t dress like a teenager
• Don’t dress like a hooker

Beyond these hard, fast and, I feel completely sensible rules there aren’t really any rules. Of course, you’ll want to dress to suit your body type, personality and accentuate the positive, but beyond that the threads you choose are your own affair. You’re an individual not just an age, after all. In other words, if you’ve seen one 40 or 50 year old…you’ve seen one 40 or 50 year old.

I’ve found that when we’re talking about what is “age appropriate,” we’re primarily referencing rules #2 and #3. However, those rules don’t apply only to women in midlife, but to all adult women. We’re a little more accepting of the post-college 20-something and 30-somethings, because they’re young with typically tauter bods, and may or may not be wives or mothers yet; but they often don’t understand that their style can be alienating or may even be costing them opportunities in the adult realm in which they must now take part.

If you ask me, I would do away completely with the age appropriate tag, which seems rather ageist and punitive, particularly since it almost always applies to women over 40 (red flag right there). It’s not my problem that society feels women over a certain age are no longer vital or “gasp” sexual. And that’s what all these ridiculous fashion strictures boil down to: a society with puritanical ideals about older women who may be mothers and wives.

In other words, if you’re not a dour, conservative woman who covers herself like a nun on the eve of midlife, then you’re a pathetic hag who doesn’t have sense enough to understand that your best days are behind you and that sartorial flair and sex are only supposed to be for the young.

Well, guess what kids. We didn’t stop being women once we passed our 40th birthday. Age appropriate is a term that should be drummed out of existence. What would I replace it with? How about adult-appropriate or one my very favorite words, “chic.” Adult women of every age should strive to be chic, and chic is always appropriate.

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Greetje

Sarah made me think. I claim to be broad-minded about how everybody want to dress themselves. Nevertheless…. I confess…., I do find myself thinking (luckily not saying) “hmm, I would prefer your skirt to be lower, more to your knee”, when I look at a woman my age (59) or older. Big question is WHY? The only answer I can come up with is that my mind is conditioned. By what I have learned to like. Could that be it?
Note: I do correct myself when I think such things.

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Suzanne

Two words – Tina Turner. 74 years young and still has the best legs in the world. Full of life and energy and happiness. I bet no one ever dared tell her to dress her “age”. I want to be her when I grow up. I think she is totally awesome! It is all in the attitude. If you tell yourself you are old – you will feel old. If you feel young and joyful and thankful to be alive – that is what people will see when they look at you. Dress to fit your personality.

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liz

Coming from a family of seamstresses (although with little skill myself) I was raised to appreciate fashion and individuality, at any age. My grandmother who is still alive has always dressed impeccably and has given me some fabulous hand-me-downs over the years. I agree with covering up more, but I also think being so-called “invisible” gives one immense freedom to explore exciting ways of expressing one’s self. Age with kindness, confidence, and style 🙂

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Mimi

I am 50. I wear a 0 or 2 in bottoms but I have real boobs lol…flat stomach. I think it is all about how you wear a trend. I do not want to look like a teenager but I can still rock a little bikini and skinny jeans. There are things I will not wear period because i think they look too girly like super short shorts or skirts,baby doll tops…anything midriff showing etc. I like dressing like a vibrant sexy woman. Women look fabulous in a way a teenage girl can not and we can wear clothes they can not pull off. The most important thing in dressing for any age is dress for the body you have not want… It is all about proportion.

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Sylvia

Thanks for your great feedback and your first comment at 40+Style Mimi!

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Jane

I agree with whoever said that it depends upon the woman. Style is always about expressing yourself in a way that makes you feel good and tells others a little about who you are. I’m 59 with a fairly good face and a very slim petite figure. When I started photographing my outfits about a year ago, I learned to my surprise that I look best in form-fitting clothes. I also realized I’d been hiding in too-large clothes for years. I love my jeans and have sought out dark wash jeans that fit me well with mid rise. They can be pared with classic boots and nice jackets for a casual classy look, which is probably my style. Casual classy with an occasional romp into crazy—and blocks of primary colors with black/white. (Type 4 in case anyone follows Dressing Your Truth.) Thank you, Sylvia for this great blog!

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Brigitte

I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to dress for whatever age you are. We all have different opinions of what looks good or not, so do whatever you like. Life would be pretty dull if we all dressed the same and it’s this diversity of styles that makes life interesting. Rather than follow ‘age appropriate’ fashion rules, just go for your own style and be proud of whatever you wear. There may be plenty of people who like and dislike your personal style but that is irrelevant. Just be yourself!

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theresa

I love all these thoughts on age and what to wear with 50…60..or 70 years old. I am 70 and I still look good in straight leg jeans. which is good because they are what I wear most of. I think with a mirror, and a lot of good common sense,and a dose of humor, you can come up with a style all of your own. I love color, and wedge shoes and boots, scarves? you bet! I have a lot of area’s that are not up there where they used to be, but covered up..they don’t look that bad. I say if it makes you smile when you put it on, wear it. mind you I said make you smile..not laugh at. I love to look good. it makes me feel good. so I stand up straight and wear beautiful colors, and rock my short silver pixie cut and smile.

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Petra

Great interviews Sylvia. Personally I believe one should dress to their body shape with colours that suit the person’s personality, (and this goes for any age) and not too short skirts or low cleavage because let’s face it, our skin doesn’t look as good as it did in our 20’s 😀

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Wendy

I think that women today have much more freedom to choose without the old societal judgments. However, the Magazines and Designers refuse to use “older” looking women in their advertisements or on the runway. This culture is so youth obsessed that anyone over forty is still fighting an up-hill battle. I have some great articles, on my website, FashionOverFifty.com, on how culture is changing, but more so in Europe than in the U.S. I call it the “Kim Kardashian” syndrome that we suffer from here in the U.S.

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Vivian

This is a great conversation & I am inspired by all these women who embrace fashion as they travel through life. I am 46 & making peace w/ getting older. I love long hair & boho style. Love Patti’s comments & so agree! Keep your dignity but “To thine own self be true”. Is it wrong to feel that one should make oneself happy first?

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Wendy

Absolutely not. You should be true to yourself. I have been studying about different cultures. The British are very restrictive as to what older women should wear and are so concerned about what society thinks. In the U.S., you have the opportunity to change the culture of aging. The more people get used to seeing something, as long as it is tasteful, the more it will be accepted. Go for it!!

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Lisa

Years ago Justice Stewart (U.S.) said he couldn’t give a very exact description of obscenity but added “I know it when I see it.”

I think the same standard is true for age appropriateness. If we say no short skirts, women in their 50s or 60s who can rock a short skirt tell us that this is not a fair criterion. Same for hot pink, cleavage, or even Hello Kitty.

And yet, we have all seen middle aged and older women who look ridiculous in the clothes they choose to wear. “Who are they trying to fool?” we ask. Without being able to put our finger on exactly what’s wrong, we instinctively know that something’s not right. Perhaps it is not the clothing itself, but the intention behind wearing the clothing that makes it acceptable or ridiculous. Are we celebrating looking and feeling great at 40, 50, 60? Or are we living in a world of phoniness and denial?

For me personally, I feel like I am coming into my own only in my 40s. Youth culture never felt right on me, so I’m not missing it too much. “Elegance, poise and mysterious allure” sound like a good aspiration.

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Hagit

I believe women should wear whatever makes them feel good with their body and reflects their unique personality regardless of their age. I personally experience much more freedom and daring in my choices in recent years. As a young woman my choices were much more conservative than today. As my personal style evolved I was less concerned about appropriateness. If wearing pink mini skirt makes me smile and feel happy with it why not?
For me the important rule is to always keep the balance. Not to overload, give up the “here I am, look at me” effort which is toend up in ridiculous look. And that is regardless of your age.

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Sylvia

Very true Hagit. Balance is always the key regardless of age. Thanks for your first comment at 40+Style!

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Sarah

As a Brit who spends a lot of time in USA, I disagree with Wendy’s contention that the British are more restrictive than American culture WRT so-called ‘age appropriate’ dressing. I feel completely free to dress however I want in Britain, but in America I have felt heavy pressure to conform, dresswise. Wendy, you might want to see the Channel 4 programme ‘Fabulous Fashionistas’ (it is available on youtube in USA if that is where you are). I absolutely love the way Jean dresses, but when I was watching the programme I found myself thinking that her brilliantly inventive and daring streetstyle attire might be fine in England but it would definitely attract a few raised eyebrows or worse in many parts of America. There is much more diversity in British dress styles than I have seen in America.

And in reply to Hagit, why do you think it important to ‘give up the “here I am, look at me” effort’? Why do you think women over a certain age should make themselves invisible? I really don’t agree, and nor do I agree that wearing clothes that draw attention to oneself necessarily make one look ridiculous. To me, this is just more of the ‘shut up and be invisible’ nonsense — the taboo against older women remaining visible — I for one purposefully violate at every possible opportunity in order to advance the cultural/psychological freedom of older women to have fun with their attire if that appeals to them.

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Greetje

You GO girl!!!
In The Netherlands there is even a difference in raising eye brows between cities like The Hague (lots of it) and Amsterdam (hardly any). Which is why I moved to Amsterdam when I was 26. Unfortunately I left and now live in a small town near Amsterdam. Pretty but more conservative.

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Wendy

Hi Sarah,

Do you know who Ari Seth Cohen is? If not, Google him. He has made a career out of taking photos of women well into their 70’s who are fashionista’s. Yes, I do know the Fabulous Fashionistas. In fact, the Royal College of Art had a Seminar on Aging and Fashion in London in October, 2013; about 6 weeks ago. The Fashionistas were there, along with Alyson Welsch, an over 40 blogger. (Ari Seth Cohen was there too.) It was wonderful. I wish someone in the United States would do something like this. In this regard, London is way ahead of the U.S,. I would be RIGHT THERE, if someone did it. However, what I meant is that because England’s culture is so much older and refined, there are more societal taboos and rules. In the U.S., as you know, we are not about refinement; so I think the societal pressure is less.
Check out my website, you will see several groups from all over waging a campaign for women to embrace who they are. For example, a group called the Silver sisters met in Chicago in October. It is the 4th year they have met and they are about embracing their gray and silver hair. In France, a modeling Agency opened up for only Baby Boomers. FashionOverFifty.com. By the way, if you know of anything or anyone else like the Fashionistas, if you send it my way, I would really appreciate it. With my blog and website I am doing my own little bit to revolutionize Fashion and Aging women!!

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elle

Older women is a better term. Every woman is ageing from the day she is born.

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elle

Oh, I hate the term. I’m not sure why dressing appropriately has to be tied to women “over 40” as if every woman in that age group is exactly the same. We’re not. In fact, the older people become the more heterogeneous they become, which is merely a fancy way of saying once you’ve seen one 40 year old, you’ve seen ONE 40 year old.

Instead of having this anxiety about looking too young, an adult woman someone of legal age living and working in the adult world, should be concerned about dressing appropriately for the occasion, her lifestyle, her body shape and her personality.

If you are observing these guidelines “age” takes care of itself. It’s the whole idea of age being the sole arbiter that upsets people, and I think it should. There isn’t a uniform, there shouldn’t be, because as I mentioned we’re all individuals.

Blanket advice like chopping off all your hair, only wearing skirts below the knees, never wearing anything that’s trendy is a complete affront to people’s sense of self and individuality. Sure, there are the traditionalist out there and the nuns among us, they are welcome to their style. But why impose that standard on all of us just because society says over 40 women are all dour grannies with shameful, hideous bodies with everything going south at once?

If I had my druthers, I would simply stop using the term “age appropriate.” How to dress with style and class, now this applies to everyone. I firmly believe there is no 40 something, 30 something style or even 20-something style. If anything there are two: adults and children. Beyond that, there is just style, and it’s different for everyone depending on what I mentioned earlier: personality, lifestyle and body type.

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Petra

Elle, I like these words you chose “…adults and children. Beyond that, there is just style…” – I think that nowadays that’s exactly it. Whether it be good style or bad style, it’s your own style; and if you are comfortable in your “style” then it’s only “good” or “bad” to someone who has a different style. With so many style options out there we are all able to choose what we feel comfortable in, at any age, and others might not agree with our choices but then we might not agree with theirs! Such an interesting topic 🙂

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Sarah

Personally I prefer the idea of just getting on with it — dressing however I want — like Jean and the other Fabulous Fashionistas do — as opposed to joining strident groups or reading blogs aimed at women my age (50). I much prefer to look at style-related websites and blogs that are age-BLIND as opposed to age-focused. Age as a subject is so uninteresting compared to fashion/style/having fun with one’s attire. I see no virtue in age — or indeed in youth or trying to look younger. Age is just age. If someone prefers to look younger, or dye their hair, or not dye their hair, etc etc etc, I see no harm in it. These are choices for the individual.

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Elle

I love you, Sarah. Absolutely. Dress how you please

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pat Hathaway

You do not turn into a pumpkin at 40. By this age, you should be “at home” with what suits you. That means chilled out enough to wear something to push the boundaries, but intelligent enough to draw your own line. Who wants to end up a laughing stock on a photo. Try new things and unusual colours, but don’t make a clown of yourself. As each decade passes after 40 you discover new things about your style. You may look in the mirror and love the little experiment you tried, or you may just think “let’s bin that idea”. Your own style evolves with you, like your life. I should know, I am close to 60, but am still open to bono style or trying new prints. Loved this discussion. Keep evolving girls, go we are butterflies.

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Sylvia

Thanks for joining the conversation and your feedback Pat!

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Susan

Really interesting! I personally do something before I leave the house. The last thing I do is look in a mirror, if I feel what I see is right and I feel good, then ignore others. A number of times I have changed, depending on where I’m going, but not often.

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Helen

“Age appropriate” should be abolished and the “age appropriate police” should be lynched!!

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