What do we want from our clothes really. We want to feel confident so we can accomplish what we set out to do. In this article, let’s explore how to feel confident in your clothes so you can just be YOU!

If you prefer to listen, you can also listen to my podcast on how to feel confident with your appearance and your clothes.

How to feel confident?

If you have been reading my article on how to feel better, you already know that the reason you want something is because of the way it will make you feel.

And many women in my audience want to feel more confident. They choose clothes as a way to achieve that and I’ve given you MANY tips on how to feel confident in your clothes.

But sofar, I’ve mostly limited myself to tips and tricks on how to style your clothes in a confident way and how to create outfits that look flattering on you. That gives confidence, because you see a more flattering image of yourself in the mirror.

I’ve also shown you how to dress for your personality type so you feel more like yourself in your clothes which gives you confidence.

I’ve also written about how to build self confidence but didn’t specifically talk about dressing yourself.

My style course has definitely given many women more confidence.

But today, I’d like to specifically tackle the topic of how to feel confident in your clothes and the ONE THING that is required above anything else.

I’ve also recorded a podcast on this topic so if you prefer to listen, go here.

How to feel confident in your clothes

Let’s start with this question:

Why is style important to you?

Why do you think that clothes will make you more confident?

Before we buy our next item or go for a shopping spree, let’s stop for a moment and ask yourself: ‘Why do I want this new item?’.

Do you really need it? Or is there another reason?

Let’s investigate a bit further.

Ask yourself Why again.

‘Why is it important for me to have clothes that I like?’

Maybe you answer that you just like to look good. Or because you like to feel like myself. Or you like to get compliments.

And why is that important to you?

Why do you want to look good?

What does it feel like when you feel like yourself?

Why do you like to get compliments?

When you keep on questioning, you often end up with a feeling

Here are some examples:

Because I like to feel confident

Because I like to feel beautiful.

Because I like to feel important (e.g. in a work situation).

How to dress with confidence

You may even have a very compelling reason for wanting to feel confident

Why do you want to feel confident? Maybe you want:

  • a new partner
  • the new job
  • to attract new friends
  • to have a good evening out and not feel insecure

The reason you make an effort with your appearance is because you want to feel a certain way so you can get the result you want

As you’ll have learned from my article on how to feel good, it’s actually possible to feel that way right now. Even without the perfect clothes or the perfect outfit.

Whatever you want in your life is because you believe that you will feel better in the having of it.

You create the feeling with your own mind and no shiny object or even the perfect dress can create it for your in the long term.

how to feel good about your appearance

How do you get the feeling of confidence from your clothes?

If you answered the questions above and you came to the conclusion that you want to feel more confident, you have the option to feel that way right now.

However, that may be a challenge for you as maybe that’s not how you feel about yourself when you look in the mirror.

You’ve just put on a dress for an event and when you look in the mirror you may feel anything but confident.

The reason for that is that you have all kinds of thoughts going through your head that could sound something like this:

‘That dress doesn’t suit me’

‘I look too big in this dress’.

‘I’m not sure others will feel this dress is appropriate for this event’.

‘What would others think if I wear this dress?’

When you think these thoughts, that makes you feel insecure, NOT confident.

And when you feel insecure, you start comparing yourself to others, you may start to shop again for other options, you may spend hours getting your hair and makeup just right.

However, if you’re not changing your initial thought, you will still not feel confident in this dress.

Feel confident in YOU and your clothes

How confident you feel depends on your thoughts about yourself in the dress

Another person at the event may wear exactly the same dress.

And she looks amazing.

You look at her and even though she’s the same age, has the same kind of body, she just looks so good.

Somehow it just works for her.


Because she’s wearing the dress with confidence.

She looked in the mirror and her thought was that she looked amazing, which made her feel confident, which stopped her from comparing herself to others or thinking about others’ opinions, which resulted in her showing up to the event as a confident, gorgeous woman.

Can you see the difference?

It’s the same dress.

The body and age of the woman can be exactly the same.

Yet one woman looks fabulous and is confident and the other may not feel confident and therefore doesn’t wear the dress with pride and lets it shine.

Feeling confident in a dress

It may even happen with a dress that you felt good in before

You’ve worn the dress before a few months back and you can still remember how good you felt in it.

On this evening though, you don’t.

What’s changed?

Did you not get enough compliments when you last wore it?

Did you start to feel self conscious in the dress?

Do you feel that you need something newer?

What has made you doubt the dress on you this time?

If you really think about it, the only thing that has really changed is your own thought about you in your dress.

Back then you looked in the mirror and thought to yourself, I look great.

For whatever reason, you now look in the mirror and think something different that doesn’t give you the feeling of confidence.

Same dress, different thought, different feeling, different result.

All this applies to our bodies too!

In my podcast I share a personal story of how a different thought about a part of my body that I did not like (and that caused lack of confidence) changed everything for me.

How to feel confident in your clothes and with your appearance

How do you get confident in your clothes?

I can give you all the styling tips, tricks and recommendations for dresses, advice on how to dress for your body type and even personal styling advice.

All these will not make you feel confident unless you can look in the mirror and think to yourself:

‘I look great in this dress’.

The thought you have when you look at yourself or whenever you’re wearing the dress, will determine how confident you feel in it.

It’s not not the dress.

It’s your thought about the dress on you.

When other thoughts come up, question them!

Are they true?

Is it really the fault of the dress?

Or are there other thoughts about yourself that are causing the problem?

Is there an underlying problem that you’re not addressing?

When you uncover something else that’s bothering you, it often doesn’t feel good.

This is usually the moment we rush to the stores to get a new dress (or do something else that comforts us) and it may patch up the issue for a little while.

But unless you tackle the underlying problem of the stories that you keep telling yourself, the thoughts in your head, you’ll soon find yourself in the same position and you don’t feel confident in your clothes.

It all starts with a thought

It’s always caused by thought.

If you can change the thought, and believe it, you can change the feeling.

Of course this is not as easy as it may sound because changing the feeling will ONLY work if you believe the thought.

But it is a skill you can learn and it’s something I will discuss further in future articles and podcasts and also in my upcoming bucket list challenge.

When you learn this skill you:

  • Will feel happier and more confident in your clothes
  • Will not have to rush to the stores every time you don’t feel good in your clothes
  • Can feel confident and good even without the perfect dress or makeup.

I often don’t wear makeup.

I wear the same dress all the time.

I’ll be living from a very minimal wardrobe as I plan to travel more and only have a very small wardrobe to choose from in the coming year.

I’ll still feel confident in my clothes.

Because it’s not the clothes that give the confidence, it’s how I think about them on me. 

I’ll be confident in my clothes because the only opinion about them that really matters is my own and I can choose that.

If you like to feel more confident in every area of your life or get clearer on what you want, you can do the Bucket list challenge.

Join the bucket list challenge

Do you mostly succeed to feel confident in your clothes?

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how to feel confident with  your appearance and in your clothes

Sylvia is 40+style’s editor-in-chief and has been helping women find their unique style since 2011. An alumni of the School of Color and Design, she is devoted to empowering women of any age to look and feel their best. Read more about Sylvia and 40+style on this page.

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