On 40+style we want you to LOOK good and FEEL good. Lots of articles on this site focus on the outside, this one focuses on the inside, which I believe is even more powerful to feel amazing. If that interests you, read on! It may just change your life.
If not, start here to read one of the many articles that focus on outward appearance.
This article is not meant as medical advice. If you suffer from a mental health condition, always consult a doctor. I’m a certified Life and NLP coach so this article was written from that perspective based on my own experiences and those of clients.
How to feel better?
Most of the time you do the things you do in life because you just want to FEEL HAPPY.
In this article I’ll dive deeper into exactly how to create more of that feeling in your life and how to feel better so you can enjoy your life to the fullest.
Prefer to listen? I’ve recorded a podcast based on this article here.
How can you feel better more of the time?
As you know, I’m a big believer of looking after yourself as a way to feel better.
Paying attention to your appearance and valuing yourself enough to put effort into it can definitely make you feel better. Simple tweaks can make a big difference.
To feel better about yourself and your appearance you can:
- Learn how to dress for your body type
- Understand which colors work best for you (lots of advanced training in my style course)
- Understand the best silhouettes
- Understand your style personality, so you will feel like yourself in your clothes
- Put on a bit of color on your lips
All of these will help a lot to make you feel better, but there are many other things you can do.
There are lots of things you can do to feel better
While doing research for this article, I came across quite a few articles on this topic that will give you advice like:
- Put on a brighter color of lipstick
- Dress yourself in a way that makes you happy
- Listen to songs that have meaning to you
- Do something creative, like writing a story
- Go outside in nature
- Sing out loud in the shower
- Play with your cat and dog
- Surround yourself with kids or smile at babies you meet on your daily work
- Dance, just for fun
- Call a good friend
- Do some kind of fun exercize
There are literally hundreds of things I can list here to make you feel better.
All of them will work.
But for how long?
Some of the advice given online on how to feel better, I don’t agree with at all, like:
- Get drunk with friends at home – really??? This will just make you feel worse, especially the morning after, not too mention the long-term negative effects.
- Eat something you like – again, this is a very temporary solution and if you use this option repeatedly, it will just make you feel worse in the long term.
If you’re looking for more than just a temporary fix, how can you consistently feel better and create a life you love?
How to feel better on purpose
Although many of the above suggestions will help, I believe it’s even more powerful to look for ways to make you feel better from the inside-out.
Feeling good then becomes a state of being that will allow you to fulfill your dreams in the process as well.
What I want for you is to feel good on purpose.
To feel good with what you’re doing in life and to feel good with who you are right now.
So let’s go back to basics and discover what it takes to feel good and be happy.
And the good news is, it’s completely within our control.
I believe that all our emotions, including happiness, are created within our mind.
It’s something we can choose at any point within our day and life.
Feeling good is within your control
At this point I may have lost you.
You’ve been taught to believe that what makes you happy is the new house, the new car, new clothes every month, a loving husband, 1 million dollars in the bank.
Something outside of you will make you happy.
Advertisers, television and lots of people will put a lot of effort into persuading you that this is true.
Happiness is something you buy.
Happiness is something external and elusive that we need to chase after.
That new shiny object that they’re selling you on TV or that’s promised to you in an online course is the secret to your happiness.
A youthful face and you being 20 kilos lighter will finally make your feel happy.
I believed it too!
I thought that when I made multiple 6 figures a year, I would be happy all the time.
I thought that when I finally had my own dream house, my life would be perfect.
I thought that when I could travel to my heart’s delight all the time, I would be happy.
I got all those things and they gave me happiness but it was always temporary.
Here’s an important question
Would you rather accomplish the goal (like getting the dream house by the beach) or be happy?
If you HAD TO choose between the 2, what would you pick?
Would you not pick to be happy?
I know I would!
Once you come to realize that it’s not the goal that you really want, but that you want the goal because you think it will make you feel happy, you can choose to feel happy now.
You can choose to feel happy with the house that you’re currently living in!
That doesn’t mean that you can’t still pursue all your goals (in fact I think there are a lot of good reasons to go after them) but you can choose to do that from a place where you are already happy.
With the realization that you don’t NEED TO accomplish the goal to feel good and be happy.
I choose to be happy in my current home
For practical reasons, as my family is in a transition phase, I’m living in a small apartment right now.
It’s a far cry from the beautiful house I lived in just half a year ago.
The furniture is not mine. It’s dark and ugly.
Most of my private belongings are somewhere else.
My workspace is small and far from ideal.
I can hear the noise from cars on the street which is something I do not like.
I’m still happy.
I choose to feel happy.
That doesn’t mean that I will not move next year and make different choices about where I live, but I realize that the new house I will move into does not make me feel happy.
Only I control how happy I feel.
Do you see the difference?
My happiness is created within my mind.
I can choose to feel happy now, regardless of my situation.
Once you get good at managing your mind that way, you can choose how you want to feel. You can choose to feel better.
What shiny object do you believe will make you feel happy?
Do you believe that when you’re thin you’ll be happy?
Do you believe that when you win the lottery, then you’ll be happy?
Do you believe that when you finally find your soul mate, then you’ll be happy?
A good question to ask is: what will be different when you reach your goal and what will be exactly the same?
Most often it’s the feeling that you expect to get from achieving your goals that will give you the feeling of happiness.
You have access to feeling that. right now.
For example I have a business goal that I’d like to make a million dollars in one year in 3 years time from doing the things I love doing.
In my case that’s teaching women over 40 how they can tap into their truest, highest potential in all areas of life.
What will be different when I reach that goal is that I will have become a million dollar earner. I will have become a different person in pursuit of that goal because I had to think bigger and differently to get there. I may get more invitations to speak and more women may listen to me as I’m an example of what’s possible.
I don’t think that I will be happier or feel more abundant than I am right now. Those feelings are already available to me in this moment. I can already feel abundant as I’ve created a beautiful life for myself with lots of freedom and doing the work I love.
I still have difficult days and don’t always feel great but that’s not going to change either when I earn a million dollars. My problems, challenges and insecurities will simply be of a different kind.
We often think that once we have reached a certain goal, we’ll feel happy all the time. That’s not the case. You will still have your bad days.
Want new things from a place of abundance
Once you know how to tap into the way you want to feel right NOW, then you can pursue all the things you want in life.
And because you’ll be coming from a place where you already feel good, from a place of abundance, achieving all those wonderful shiny objects that are on your bucket list, will become so much easier.
When you can accept or feel happy about your current body, it’s so much easier to stop overeating.
When you already feel that you can be happy with the current amount of money in your bank account, you will find creating additional wealth so much easier.
When you feel happy with yourself and can create a good life as a single person, you will find it so much easier to attract a soul mate into your life.
When you set a new goal for yourself, ask yourself:
Why do I want to achieve this goal?
What do I think I will gain in the having of it?
What is it that I really want to feel?
Why does that feel so elusive now?
Is it really an external thing that can provide that feeling for you or would you be able to feel that way, right now?
Because that IS a possibility. You can think thoughts that will give you the feeling of abundance.
For example, if my main goal is to be happy, rather than thinking that only my 1 million dollar goal can make me happy, I can think:
‘I have enough’
‘I have everything I need to be happy’
Or I can think:
‘My health is my most precious gift. That makes me very grateful and happy’.
A feeling is a vibration in your body
As I explained in my article on how to gain confidence, a feeling is really a vibration in your body. Below is a short video there where I explain that in more detail.
You can learn how to feel and cope with a negative emotion (which is what I discuss in the video), but you can also practice feeling a positive emotion like confidence, excitement or happiness.
Here’s an example
Let’s say you want to feel happy.
1. First describe how that would feel. How does it feel in your body?
For me it feels like I have lots of energy. I have a spring in my step.
I feel light. I have no worries. My body feels solid.
2. Then ask yourself? What would I be thinking when I feel this way?
I like the thought: everything is exactly as it’s supposed to be right now.
It’s possible that you don’t know what you would be thinking.
If that’s the case you can ask yourself: What do I think will make me happy?
Think about something you think would really, truly make you happy.
Maybe your answer is that you want to win the lottery. Imagine for a moment that that is a reality.
How does it feel?
3. Now, tap into that feeling. Describe the feeling.
How does it feel?
What are you thinking when you tap into this feeling of happiness?
What thoughts come up?
Maybe you’re thinking about the amount of money you will have and that you never have to worry ever again.
4. Now tap into one of the thoughts that came up and believe that right now
Are any of the thoughts that came up things that you can believe right now?
Your thought that you never have to worry again can be true right now.
No one says that you need to worry. Worry is really one of those emotions that’s a bit indulgent. It serves no purpose.
How would you feel on a daily basis if you said to yourself more of the time: ‘I never have to worry again’.
Would that make you feel happy more of the time even if you haven’t won the lottery yet?
Or if this thought is not believable to you, what other thought can you have that makes you feel happy more of the time.
Perhaps the thought I use can serve you too: ‘everything is exactly as it’s supposed to be right now’.
That thought brings you right in the current moment. You can’t argue with reality. Why are things supposed to be that way right now? Because they are. I highly recommend reading about embracing the current moment in Eckhardt Tolle’s book: The Power Of Now.
And if you’re going through a crappy period right now, maybe that’s what you need to go through to become a stronger person.
Resisting feelings or situations you don’t like will only make them worse.
Practice makes perfect
It takes practice to do this and the daily self coaching practice I teach will really help with this.
The practice will teach you that you can learn to feel better even if no outside circumstances change.
You can learn to feel better right now so that you’re pursuing your goals from a place from abundance. Or you can just feel better, period.
And, it’s also a great way to cope with negative emotions (yes, these will be part of your life too; it’s part of being human!). It’s important to truly FEEL those too, rather than numb them with food or alcohol or other means.
You manage your feelings by managing your thoughts.
What would you be thinking if you wanted to feel a certain way?
When you get good at this, you will know how to cope with the negative emotions and you can create positive emotions on purpose.
For example, when I’m feeling down about something just thinking about the fact that I have clean running water coming out of my tap every day, makes me feel better.
It makes me feel grateful.
And when I’m grateful, I don’t beat myself up or sulk the whole day.
And my day will be better because of it.
It’s not wishful thinking because it’s true. I believe in the thought and it makes me feel grateful.
Try it out sometimes!
You need to believe the thoughts you’re thinking
Of course just thinking a positive thought that you don’t believe, will not work. If I told you now, that you’ve won the lottery and you know that not to be true it wouldn’t put you in a feeling of happiness.
But imagine that you DID just buy a lottery ticket yesterday and you just got a message from the person running it that you won. Can you imagine how you would feel at that moment?
You don’t have the money yet, so it’s not the actual money that’s making you happy, it’s the thought at that particular moment that creates that feeling of ultimate happiness for you.
Now imagine something that you really, REALLY want. What would make you supremely happy?
What do you need to think and believe to feel that ecstatically happy?
Perhaps your thought is: ‘I want my slim body again’. You can then ask yourself why? And you may answer: ‘because then I’d feel beautiful again’.
That is a thought that you could have right now.
Being slim is not the same as being beautiful. In fact you can be absolutely gorgeous and not be slim. And I also know that quite a few slim women don’t feel beautiful.
Feeling beautiful comes from the thought that you are beautiful. And I know for a fact already that you are, because we all are.
Perhaps you can tap into that feeling sometimes. I know that you have it! That moment that you feel beautiful even though you’re not as slim as you used to be or perhaps would like to be.
Learn how to tap into that feeling.
That’s the secret to feeling happy.
The truth is, you can’t think happy thoughts if you don’t believe them and feel happy, but you can feel happy thoughts and feel happy if you believe those thoughts.
That’s the key.
so if you’re not able to tap into the ‘I’m beautiful’ thought on any occasion, you could start with something like “I’m unique” or “I have a healthy body”.
Are all feelings really caused by a thought?
You may be wondering if all feelings are really caused by a thought? How about if a person dies?
The way you feel about something like that is still determined by how you think about that person’s death. If this was someone you cared deeply about, you would feel very sad.
However, if this was a person you didn’t know, your feelings may be very different. Every circumstance in itself is neutral, it’s how you think about that circumstance that creates the feeling.
That doesn’t mean that you always choose happy feelings. When someone very close to you dies, you WANT to feel sad. Your thoughts create that feeling and you’re thinking that on purpose.
The way you feel about anything is determined by your thoughts about it.
For example, if I mentioned the city of New York, some people may say that they love the city and start feeling excited when there is an opportunity to visit it. Others may not like the city at all and the thought of having to visit New York makes them feel anxious.
That doesn’t mean that all our thoughts are intentional
A lot of our thoughts are actually shaped by how we’ve been raised and our experiences in life.
We often think that what we think about something are just the facts, but our thoughts about something are most often a very biased opinion of something neutral.
How you think about all your current circumstances will shape how you feel
Just being aware of this can change everything for you.
You have a choice in how you think about your current life.
If you look at your current life and you decide to feel grateful, abundant, secure, then that will create a very different feeling than when you think that your life is not enough.
The only difference is the way that you think about it.
Your thoughts create feelings, which create your actions which create your results.
In summary, here are the steps to take to feel better
Feeling better more of the time is something you can practice. Here’s how:
- Identify the feeling you really want to feel
- What do you need to think that will give you that feeling?
- What does it feel like to feel that feeling? How would you describe this specific feeling / vibration in your body?
- What do you need to think and believe to feel this way right now? What is something you believe right now to make you feel that way?
Once you are able to do that, you can create anything that you want in your life! You can use this technique to create positive energy for yourself. You can also use it to cope with negative feelings. Once you realize that you can cope with negative feelings (which are simply sensations in your body), you’ll be ready to pursue your goals without fear.
If you are ready to pursue your goals for the year and create the life that you want, I invite you to download my free reinvention and bucket list guides. Let’s make the next year your most AMAZING year ever!
Please note, this article is not meant as medical advice. If you suffer from mental health issues or depression, always seek the help of a doctor.
- How to build self confidence
- How to reinvent yourself after 40
- How to live a life of freedom & joy
- How to feel confident in your clothes
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Photos taken on a recent visit to Perth. Dress by Zara.
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