Have you started thinking about the new year?

Perhaps you’ve reflected on the year that was and have started thinking about the year ahead?

Maybe you’ve started thinking about the things that you want?

In this article I’d like to explore that a bit further and discover WHY we want what we want.

I also recorded a podcast on this topic. You can listen to it here.

Why do you want what you want?

If you have been reading my article on how to feel better, you already know that the reason you want something is because of the way you think it will make you feel.

This refers to style too.

So many women in my survey just want to look better and be more stylish.

The question is why?

Ask yourself, why is style important to you?

It’s actually one of the first questions I ask in my style course.

Because the answer is important.

So try it out and ask yourself why is style important to me?

Before we buy our next item or go for a shopping spree, let’s stop for a moment and ask yourself: ‘Why do I want this new item?’.

You may answer that you need to fill in your wardrobe, as you may have learned to create a capsule wardrobe and make sure that you don’t have any orphan items in your closet.

But I’d like you to investigate a bit further.

Ask yourself Why again.

‘Why is it important for me to have clothes that I like?’

Here are some possible answers:

  • Because I’d like to look good.
  • Because I like to feel like myself.
  • Because I like to get compliments.

When you keep on questioning, you often end up with a feeling.

  • Because I like to feel confident
  • Because I like to feel beautiful.
  • Because I like to feel important (e.g. in a work situation).
Discover your why and get clear on why you want what you want

The reason you make an effort with your appearance is because you want to feel a certain way

As you’ll have learned from my article on how to feel good, it’s actually possible to feel that way also without the new clothes. So make sure to read that article if you like to know more about that.

Whatever you want in your life is because you believe that you will feel better in the having of it.

You learned, that you can already create the feeling you want to have right now.

You create the feeling with your own mind and no shiny object or accomplishment can create it for you long term.

I’m explaining that in my article on how to feel confident in your clothes.

For this article I’d like to go a bit deeper into why we want what we want in other areas of our life too.

Apart from the topic of style, what else do you want?

Women in my survey wanted:

  • To get fit and strong
  • Do more with less
  • Get a house by the see
  • Feel happy with their style
  • Start a business

Why do you want more?

Whenever you want more it’s always good to ask why that is. The simple why is the best place to start.


  • Why do I want to do this?
  • Why do I think it creates the feeling I crave more?
  • Why is this so important to me?

The question has served me well

Overall I’ve been incredibly happy with where I’ve been going the last 10 years, but my life is always in development.

And as I start doing new things and continue to develop my skills and make new plans, it’s still the question that is most relevant.

And I keep asking myself: why?

If you want to discover more about my personal and business why, read my article on my personal site on finding your why.

How about you?

Do you need a why?

The first question to ask is why you need a why in the first place.

So often we try to find that elusive purpose. We want to know the reason we are on this earth.

We want to have a defined purpose.

But I’ve come to realize one thing.

Your purpose is just to live on the planet.

Your purpose is just to live your life, exactly the way you want to.

You don’t have to do noble things. You don’t have to make a lot of money. You don’t have to save the world. You don’t have to travel.

You can simply be who you want to be.

So why should you want more?

The simple answer is: you don’t.

You don’t have to want more unless you want to.

It’s not because you’ll be more worthy, more important, more powerful, more appreciated, more liked or any of those things.

You’re already good enough.

I believe that there is one very good reason though.

It will make your experience on the planet a lot more fun. 

I could have spent lots of hours watching television. Instead I built a business, helped and met lots of amazing people and now have enough resources that allow me to travel extensively each year.

It doesn’t matter what you choose. You are still a perfect human.

But creating something that is important to you and fulfilling some of your dreams, just feels really good!

Discover your why and you purpose

How do you find your why?

If you accept that you are already good enough and that you don’t have to do anything to make your life more meaningful, you can then ask yourself why.

  • Why do I want more?
  • Why do I want what I want?
  • Why do I want to run this business?
  • Why do I need more money
  • Why do I want a new challenge

Why a big why is important

Here is why a big why is so important.

No matter what you’re going to choose to do, it will not be easy.

If you’re going to choose to do something different or new, you’ll run into a lot of resistance.

Your brain will start shouting at you to go back to the sofa, watch Netflix and get comfortable.

Your brain likes to do what it has always done.

If your why is not big enough, you will give into all the distractions and the chatter of the brain.

However, if your why is big enough, you will not give in. Because the discomfort of not reaching your big why, your goal, will be more painful than the temporary discomfort you’re experiencing right now.

Focus on the why

When you start thinking about your why, your brain will want to do something else.

It will want to how the HOW and the WHAT.

It will immediately start to throw all kinds of objections at you:

  • Who do you think you are?
  • You’re not qualified to do that?
  • You’ve never written a word in your life. How could you possibly write a book?
  • You don’t have any time to do that
  • You have a family to support
  • You don’t have the money to go traveling
  • There are already so many other people doing what you want
  • etc.

It’s very important NOT to pay any attention to your chatting brain. Remember, your brain just wants to go back to being comfortable.

At this stage you just want to know your big why.

Let’s leave all the hows and whats for later.

How do you know that your why is big enough?

Here are some signs that your why is big enough.

  • You get excited
  • You feel energized
  • You will do something even if you don’t feel like it.
  • you’ll immediately want to start with your plans
  • You’re taking action
  • You’re getting results
  • You’re doing whatever it takes.

Want to discover your why?

The reinvention guide and bucket list I created for you will get clearer on what you want.

Let’s create your best year ever!

I would love to help you get your most amazing year, or even decade ever.

I’ve created an extensive bucket list for you where you can get lots of ideas AND where you can tick off a lot of things that you already have. You’ll be amazed!

I have also created a Reinvention Guide for you that will give you additional ideas to make the coming year your best year ever.

You can download these guides for free by clicking here.

how to feel better and make this your best year ever - Download the bucket list guide | 40plusstyle.com

“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”  – Carl Jung

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Want to have your best year ever? Make it happen with the 2020 bucket list challenge!

Sylvia is 40+style’s editor-in-chief and has been helping women find their unique style since 2011. An alumni of the School of Color and Design, she is devoted to empowering women of any age to look and feel their best. Read more about Sylvia and 40+style on this page.

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